ScrappleFace recently wrote:
The U.S. Senate voted yesterday to mandate a 40 percent increase in fuel economy for new cars and light trucks by the year 2020, as a way to reduce U.S. reliance on foreign oil.
In a little-noted “fairness” provision of the bill, the Senate also required other American manufacturers to increase the efficiency of their products as well. Among the new mandates with a 2020 deadline…
– U.S. meatpackers must increase the protein content of ground beef so that a single hamburger provides a week’s supply of energy. ...
And now we learn that making beef go much farther is actually very, very, very important:
If the global warming jihadists had their way, they'd no doubt slaughter the herds and force us all to be vegans. Of course, with higher plant matter intake, we'd all experience more flatulence, so they'd have to slaughter us too in order to save the planet.
Producing 2.2lb of beef generates as much greenhouse gas as driving a car non-stop for three hours, it was claimed yesterday. [...][T]hat 2.2lb of beef is responsible for greenhouse gas emissions which have the same effect as the carbon dioxide released by an ordinary car travelling at 50 miles per hour for 155 miles, a journey lasting three hours.
Fortunately, I've just invented an alternate solution and I'm gonna apply for a patent for it: The Solar and Battery Powered Flatulence Detector and Ignitor. Simply surgically embed it in the back end of your cow, sheep, dog, ol' uncle Albert, or any other entity with excessive flatulence, and it will automatically spark using advanced piezo-electric technology to ignite the methane and convert it into relatively harmless carbon dioxide and completely harmless water. Not only that, but it helps eliminate the smell as well. Order ten and receive a free fire extinguisher with your order.
The only problem with the product is that occasionally a cow swallows excessive air with its cud causing the burning gases to travel into the cow's digestive system, which causes the cow to explode, which, unfortunately, makes quite a mess. However, it's a small price to pay to reduce global warming. Hopefully, uncle Albert will fare a little better than that cow.
Just think, on a beautiful starry night on the range, not only will you see the flash of the firefly, but also brilliant jets of hot gas emanating from the cattle. Home on the range - what a wonderful world!